Turbulence

"I'm going thru [TURBULENCE], everything [UP] and [DOWN]..."

- Playaz Circle

When I posted the blog known as "The Somersault", I thought to myself as I posted it, "This is the moment where EVERYTHING changes." I said it to myself again to make sure I knew the ramifications of what would transpire. Here I was, handing in my resignation to the game. I mean, really handing it in. Retiring from the [LIFE] as Rich likes to call it. Yet, I didn't feel any remorse, any sadness... I was HAPPY. Because here I was, prepared to start the next phase of my life with the woman [not girl] that I loved. I've loved H.E.R for about 5 years now. If you know me, you know the whole importance of H.E.R. So after I post this, I can hear the happiness from her voice, the shock, the surprise. Her voice crackling through tears, her begging me to "Shut up"... asking me "Is this real?" Yes. It was real... I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I do want to. I want to marry this girl.

But yet, as with any couple... We have our share of hiccups [which were explained in earlier blogs] but this kinda makes me nervous. Today, I had to go to the library on base to get a faxed copy of our marriage license application in San Diego. Before I sign, I stare at it realizing that this is real. The moment I sign this, everything goes in fast forward. I'm looking at her name to be changed to "Portia Browman" and I have a brief shortness of breath. I'm excited and in a panic at the same time... Not only because of what I see, but because of a text I recieved earlier in the day. Portia wonders if I'm marrying her just for the benefits [as most men do to stack guap. Its actually a habit of most men in the military.]. But that's not the case with me. I'm marrying her cause I love H.E.R... She's that girl for me. So without hesitation, I sign it. I go to fax it back and I call her... and she proceeds to forewarn me that if this is all a joke to expect to be hurt so bad that I get medically discharged. I try to assure her that its not the case and continue with one of the most weirdest convos I've ever had with this girl. I played some basketball to clear my mind and my mind starts to work. Maybe she's just scared...? Maybe she's nervous? Maybe she doesn't wanna get hurt? All these go thru my head... But I don't understand. "It was all good just a week ago."

I don't think this is a problem... I only feel that this is TURBULENCE. A rough patch during takeoff... before a clear and smooth landing... I cannot wait for that day she becomes mine... For those words, "You may kiss the bride." The day the justice of the peace, or whomever says "Mr and Mrs. Browman"... For the day she looks into my eyes and I know [like the first day we locked eyes] that we are intertwined... FOREVER.