[808]'s & [HEARTBREAK]

A couple days ago, I was in my garage slash former apartment slash former room [for no particular reason mind you] and I found some sheets of papers I had lying around with some lyrics I had written for an album called "NRB". The thing about these particular sheets of papers is that they are completely uncomprehensible. Meaning that these sheets just have lines and lines that dont go with each other at all. They're just bars I thought up during the day or night and I'd write them down so I wouldn't forget em. I call it, [BRAINSTORMING]. Then I happened to find a song called, "In Search Of...". It was a song I was writing during the time where I was beefing with TJ, wasn't talking to CHRIS as much and me and TOYA were just going thru the motions, and pretty much was at the end of our relationship [These are just guest-imations].

But reading the song had me relive all of the things I was going thru at that time. I didn't know what was real at all. I doubted FRIENDSHIP, I lost faith in the RELATIONSHIP I was in and MUSIC in no way was helping me. All I had was my notepad and I jotted down every feeling I had. Then all of a sudden, March 1st [Easter] was a day I thought I had found LOVE. A love I had wanted for so long... I thought he had sent me LOVE in the form of SHAKIRA BALLARD. Ironically, he taught me about LOVE... and its HEARTBREAK, as I would go thru that with her. That would lead to more soul searching in my notebook. And as far as music, I didnt need to go far. Drake had every feeling I was going thru with "So Far Gone" . I said goodbye to every good thing I had, I put all my chips, I bet it all... And I lost big.

I'm not the one to label regrets... but every good thing goes away. So in a flurry of anger, I went outside, burnt a blunt I had left over... and set every last lyric of the ALBUM "NRB" on fire. I needed to do it. I needed to walk away from it all. I needed it. If not, I was gonna die. Thank you to my therapist, Trina for those long nights of me asking, "WTF is wrong with me..." Adrienne, for other reasons... A lot of people is gonna wonder what this blog was actually for... IDK...

After all, I just walked in my garage one day for no particular reason...

I think it was to put those lines I wrote so long ago... TOGETHER.