Dr. Carmen Hayes

[Door Opens...Shuts]

[Dr. Hayes]

Good Morning Najee...

[Naj]

What's Good Doc?

[Dr. Hayes]

So you're getting married today right? And yet, you've come to see me. How do you feel about

that?

[Naj]

Really... I feel um, ANXIOUS. NERVOUS.

[Dr. Hayes]

Ah, ANXIETY.

[Naj]

I mean, ANXIOUS about starting a new life. Making a family. Y'know, leaving all the bullshit behind me? So, I'm nervous.

[Dr. Hayes]

Nervous? C'mon Najee, you're a big boy now. Your wife is beautiful. You're sounding like a bit of a BITCH. You can do this... Did you find a best man yet?

[Naj]

Did you just call me a... Never mind. Best man? Um, I can't decide between two.

[Dr. Hayes]

Well, if you find one then you find one. If you dont, you dont...

[Naj]

I mean, um... I gotta have a best man. But of course I gotta talk to em and feel em out. He gotta be responsible with the ring and...

[Dr. Hayes]

Rings? What do you need a ring for? I mean its not like its a REQUIREMENT or anything.

[Naj]

Yeah, but I thought that the rings were a...

[Dr. Hayes]

So what else is your mind?

[Naj]

Well, I know I gotta start practicing my vows and everything....

[Dr. Hayes]

Really? Are you writing your own?

[Naj]

Yeah

[Dr. Hayes]

I would'nt do that. Nope. Not me... I could barely remember the vows that the minister had me repeat.

[Naj]

Really?

[Dr. Hayes]

Yes. Anything else Najee?

[Naj]

Well, the real question I have is... What if y'know, I find myself in a situation and I'm with my boys and they chillin wit some girls or we're in a club...get tempted to...

[Dr. Hayes]

Talk to her. Fuck her.

[Naj]

Excuse me... What?

[Dr. Hayes]

Sleep with her Najee. Gosh, just sleep with her. Or you could sleep with me... Nobody will know.

[Naj]

Sleep with you? Are you NUTS!? If I do that, I already know what that'll lead to.

[Dr. Hayes... Voice Distorted]

What? Back Here? With Me?

[Naj]

What the FUCK! NO! Come on man! I'm trying to do right!

[Dr. Hayes... Voice Distorted]

What's the matter Najee? Having some doubts? You'll never leave me... We will always be together... You need no girl but me Najee...

[Naj]

No... No! No! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

[Alarm clock sounds...]

[Naj]

What? Ah.... Shit.

[Cut To Eminem's "3 A.M"]

-This was inspired by "Dr.West" a skit performed by EMINEM on his RELAPSE CD. And if you didnt know: Carmen Hayes is an ADULT FILM STAR. Well... My FAVORITE ADULT FILM STAR.

The Doctor is In...