Say You Will

[N]

I've been avoiding this beat for about a year now...

I just figured... I had too much to say and not enough time...

I just figured I just get it out now... before it destroys me...

Where do I start?

[N]

Tears falling from my face... no green, just red eyes

Hoodie over my head, feeling like a JEDI

Thinking, "Should I burn this bitch down like Left Eye?"

Damn almost a year ago been such a change for this guy

The Marine Corps aint slow down my desire for fine hoes...

California, so I'm all around those...

But still late at night, I go to my address book and dare scroll

down a list of names, it hurts just to see these names, every night is like a wrong road...

I sit and wonder why it aint work out?

Because for months, niggas put in in my head that relationships wont work out...

So down goes Ebony, down goes Tee-Tee and damn, down goes Portia...

These girls never stood a chance, but Naj you knew it kid didnt cha?

But I'll still I tried, still I lied... and still I climbed till I fell like Frazier

My fear dealt me a death blow from the 3pt line like Fisher from the Lakers

Should've known better when I left Toya for ShaKira

That when I got to rock bottom, Karma was gonna be beside her...

For the record, I aint really mean for them to get played

And I can't take back all the decisions I've made...

But I swear I see one of they faces on any chick that I slay...

Gettin numbers like my life depends on it...

But each one looks like the same damn its so ironic

Finally reached a good point with Toya, but I don't dare call her up cause I'll say the wrong thing like...

"I love you... I really wish you'd come back..."

But deep down, I know we can never go back...

Tried fixing things with Ebony, it aint that she the one for me...

I just live a calm life, and her in it makes it crazy

Found the marriage license for me and Portia...

Damn sometimes I wish she was here in California...

Maybe it could work out, this could be something...

But all I hear her sayin is that I need help... I need nothing.

I'm not the Naj from a couple years ago... and I've probably changed from a week ago.

So to have known me means theres a NEW me...

And I don't got a problem wit evolving evidentially...

I'm just scared that eventually you'll forget me and put me on a shelf and not remember me and heart is labeled John Doe

Damn, how long this really gonna go?

And really I just wish I can take you from where you are, and put you in these size tens

and let you walk a couple miles...

Then maybe you can see my scowl underneath the smile...

And know I'm still the same 6 yr old child

Who lost his father to blow, who felt he had nowhere to go...

So turned to a notepad and got internal...

its funny that a laptop can know my secrets but I neet a girl and I get scared if she gon' leak it.

It's not me hiding shit from you, its that I'm a bit paranoid...

I'm scared you wont understand this little boy...

And I dont mean to sound selfish... but to these words and my thoughts... I am not selfless.

I feel like a crab in a bucket, tryna make it top but I'm surrounded by shellfish...

And that aint make sense so forget it...

but dont forget me... i dont wanna sound prophetic...

So fuck a girlfriend man, fuck a H.E.R...

I don't want a soulmate... I want a BELIEVER...

So if you can make a deal... best believe you can break a deal...

I'm just saying, dont say you wont judge me if you know you will...

But I'm just scared... and you was impatient...

I'm sorry that I left you hangin and I left you waiting...

I decided to let you know how I feel...

But honestly if you knew all of this before, would you and I be together still?

Don't say you will...