...[DARK], [TWISTED] Fantasy...

I write this a bit inspired from Kanye West XXL article. I've rarely blogged and I apologize for that. A lot of things haven't made me want to talk to 5 of you who probably take time out to read this. But, all in all... I just been a bit... busy. Busy doing nothing. So I begin by asking you, "What is the definition of classic?" Jay-Z made "Reasonable Doubt"... Biggie made "Ready to Die". They did that cause they could. It was a time where they could be honest. Think about the hottest dude out there right now. Could Drake make "Reasonable Doubt"? Could Wayne make "Ready to Die"? FUCK NO. A lot of em are too worried about swag and fanciness and not being a human being... Ironically, they got that whole swag and fancy thing from Hova. Have I been concerned with making a classic? Yes. Did I think I made a classic with "Believe in Make Believe"? No. Honestly... I didn't. Most of the songs on there were songs I felt I could do better or songs I thought Portia would like. Some songs were actually from the heart. Maybe, I wasnt thinking at all.

I've been dealing with the "BIMB" thing and the Portia fall out for a while now. They came hand in hand. I was on top of the world, and it came crashing down. All in a couple days of its release. I didnt know what to do after me and Portia broke up. I was still dealing with the reaction from the mixtape. People wanted more... But I couldn't write. I wasn't the same person that wrote "BIMB"... So I couldnt be in that space to do "N Plane Sight" justice. I was just plain angry... I was listening to early T.I. and Rick Ross new album and a lot of other songs... It just ended up being an angry pre-write. [Definition: I write songs before I record... So I pick and choose after I'm done.] It was basically my version of "The Marshall Mathers LP". But what I liked the most about it was its honesty. I told the truth but that doesn't mean its okay to express those feelings. A lot of songs were aimed at Portia. I was beefing... HARD. And she of all people knows, I'm dangerous with words. I would've hurt her to no end. And at that time, I didn't care.

I wasnt expecting the reaction from that mixtape, that's why writing for "N Plane Sight" was equally harder on me. How can I expand on that... "BIMB" was talking about making it... the journey to success, to dreams. "N Plane Sight" was about realizing it... I felt that I didnt realize it yet. I felt lost... I talked to "Catherine" plenty of times thru text talking to her about my music and writers block... She told me to take my time. Experience life some more. But what was left to experience? Heartache? Sadness? Regret? Anger? I did that. I realized I possibly could've thrown a molotov cocktail at my own career before it started. I wasnt in a great spot to write... So I secluded myself. I stopped listening to my favorites and found new ones. "Pilot Talk" by Curren$y really peaked my interest again... and Kanye's reemergence with "G.O.O.D Fridays" actually saved me. Listening to Pusha T and his braggadocio coke raps, Big Sean...Wiz Khalifa... These people shaped a new love... gave me hope. I went back to SC and started to forget about Portia. I forgot the pad and pen. I started writing in my blackberry. I found more people who rapped and formed a group. I started building... finding other avenues of creativity.

Basically I forgot about the bullshit. And thats what I did. I spent from July to now improving on my craft. Improving every element of myself as a person and a rapper. Honestly, I'm writing way better now. Because now, its not about coming up with lines. I'm comfortable with just doing it and making it rhyme. I've done some recording just to see where I am... And I may release it. IDK yet... A lot of songs still detail me and Portia's breakup... But its okay. I'm man enough to make songs about being jealous and me poking fun at her new guy. I still have a lot of pain. and I needed to write it out. So I did. I feel that now... towards the end, is when the real DYNAMIK/NYCE music is really coming to fruition... Coming to the forefront... I'll never write 'Far from Gone' again... I'll most definitely never write 'Portia James Music' again. But hey, I said that about "Everything's Right"... LOL.

But really, I had ego on the first album. I really had an ego and when me and Portia broke up, my ego was crushed. I'm still trying to flip that into a sense of humor. I also realized that, I'm not DRAKE, I'm not JAY-Z, I'm not KANYE WEST. I have to be DYNAMIK. And that was extremely liberating... Kanye says "You can have genius moments. But you can lose the genius too." I lost the genius for a minute. I had to get that back. I feel that this journey is a fantasy... I couldnt believe what I had to go thru to get to this point. I totally scrapped "N Plane Sight"... I decided that yesterday... I'm another tip right now. Like I started listening to Sade and J.Cole a lil bit and Scarface's "The Fix" [WHICH IS A HEAVY FUCKING ALBUM] and I'm kinda getting that itch... I'm excited again... I'm on another plane... "Life at 20,000 ft"... That's the tentative album name... But you know... I'm ever changing. Each day, I change a lil... I get inspired by something everyday... I've had more conversations, drank more alcohol, had more sleepless nights. But its all good. Everything is right in this dark, twisted fantasy of mine.