Fireworks

Fireworks

Written by N.Browman for This is NGENIUS MUZICK U Listenin II!

Produced by NB for Starship Nterprise Productions

[Music]

[N]-Talking

Yo... Turn my... Turn the headphones up a lil bit.

Turn me down... I'ma need for all the lights to go out for a minute...

I mean all the lights...

I want it dark in here...

[N]

Paparazzi flash bulbs still shining bright

I'm amazed, I'm still surprised by all the flashing lights

I used to watch TV and pray for the life

Where everybody knows your name and random girls wanna spend the night

I'm tryna maintain, sometimes I even feel I might

Sometimes I wanna call H.E.R, but each time doesn't feel right

Sade say "Love is stronger than pride", I shrug it off like aiight

This is a preview of every nights plight

So I spill each thought in every line I write

Minds racing at a fever pitch, so I gotta keep it tight

Each moment feels like I'm closer to going berserk

Then I think of you and my brain goes off like a firework...

[HOOK]

So light the fuse, keep it away from my eyes

Hold it for a sec and watch the string ignite

This tension is building- keep it at a safe distance

I'm bout to blow- I hope you all enjoy the show

These memories of you are like FIREWORKS in the sky

Different shapes, different colors opens up my eyes...

[2nd verse coming soon]...

[PAGING] Najee Browman... [PAGING] Najee Browman...

I want you to know that I got your email. It's not that the only way you can get thru to me is thru texting me, its just that sometimes I get so tied up in my day. But you probably think I don't care. You think that I want to hear that you're in bed crying? No. I don't. It's so crazy that everybody in some way or another has said I've changed. I don't get it... but maybe what everybody says is true. Maybe I have changed. And not a lot of people like the person I've become. Not everybody likes this NEW Najee. I never for once realized how the change in me has hurt you. The Najee you used to know is still there... He's still the same guy who adores you, loves you... You still are the voice I only want to hear... But there's something new inside... A Najee 2.0 if you will. This Najee has so much on his plate that the previous version never had before. It seems like there's so much to do and so little time that at times even he loses himself. This is no excuse, for there are times such as weekends I become preoccupied with life here in California. There are also times where I can't talk, or lose track of time... and in turn it hurts you: The most important girl in my life. To a point to now you feel as if you're put on the back burner, as if I've abandoned you. I dont know what's goin on, there's so much that I've missed... I can barely keep up with my life as well as yours...

The military isn't ALL I care about, but it is a PRIORITY. And sometimes it grabs hold and makes me forget about all thats around me... I never expected to like it the way I do: The good and bad things about it. And its hard for me as well, because you're not here to share it with me. I feel as if, even if I explained it to you... no matter how hard you would try to follow... I'd lose you. I feel sometimes I have nothing to talk about... I don't wanna just sit on the phone and hear you breathe... I want more. I've become accustomed to wanting more... I want you here... I want you beside me... Sometimes the phone isn't enough... So I suggested a webcam. You haven't even gotten that... I try to meet halfway only to come up short. Everything good seems to go away... And now that in a week that I go to the field for a week, what will we do then? FOUR or FIVE days without hearing from me. I don't feel as if we have space between us, its like a black hole. But I ask, how can I fix things? You say return the man who makes you laugh and cry... He's still here. You want your friend... I'm still that guy. But the Najee before let too many people run over him, he was once weak... He was once unsure of himself. He let too much of his feelings get the best of him. He relied on [FEAR]... But the Najee now has so many opportunities ahead of him, so many possibilities... Wouldn't you be proud of me? From where I came from to now? I was once HOMELESS and now I look at mountains... I see Palm trees and sunlight. Going thru these things changed alot of things in me. I'm afraid to get back to that point, so I work myself hard. My past haunts me. I'm still scared... but I'm working on that. The Najee you know hasn't gone away, but he's trying to improve himself... he's trying to be a better man for Portia, for Naeshawn... For NAJEE...

I apologize for putting you thru these things. It wasn't my intention. I dont slip I LOVE YOU's in to keep you here. Its cause I mean it... I still gotta get used to this relationship/military thing... Please bear with me... Don't count me out yet.

i love you.

I'm still hypnotized...

So don't force yourself to believe he's coming back... cause he will...

[PAGING] Najee Browman...

[PAGING] Najee Browman...

[PAGING] Najee Browman...

[PAGING] Najee Browman, your party is waiting for you...

I'm here... where are you?

[PAGING] Portia James...

Turbulence

"I'm going thru [TURBULENCE], everything [UP] and [DOWN]..."

- Playaz Circle

When I posted the blog known as "The Somersault", I thought to myself as I posted it, "This is the moment where EVERYTHING changes." I said it to myself again to make sure I knew the ramifications of what would transpire. Here I was, handing in my resignation to the game. I mean, really handing it in. Retiring from the [LIFE] as Rich likes to call it. Yet, I didn't feel any remorse, any sadness... I was HAPPY. Because here I was, prepared to start the next phase of my life with the woman [not girl] that I loved. I've loved H.E.R for about 5 years now. If you know me, you know the whole importance of H.E.R. So after I post this, I can hear the happiness from her voice, the shock, the surprise. Her voice crackling through tears, her begging me to "Shut up"... asking me "Is this real?" Yes. It was real... I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I do want to. I want to marry this girl.

But yet, as with any couple... We have our share of hiccups [which were explained in earlier blogs] but this kinda makes me nervous. Today, I had to go to the library on base to get a faxed copy of our marriage license application in San Diego. Before I sign, I stare at it realizing that this is real. The moment I sign this, everything goes in fast forward. I'm looking at her name to be changed to "Portia Browman" and I have a brief shortness of breath. I'm excited and in a panic at the same time... Not only because of what I see, but because of a text I recieved earlier in the day. Portia wonders if I'm marrying her just for the benefits [as most men do to stack guap. Its actually a habit of most men in the military.]. But that's not the case with me. I'm marrying her cause I love H.E.R... She's that girl for me. So without hesitation, I sign it. I go to fax it back and I call her... and she proceeds to forewarn me that if this is all a joke to expect to be hurt so bad that I get medically discharged. I try to assure her that its not the case and continue with one of the most weirdest convos I've ever had with this girl. I played some basketball to clear my mind and my mind starts to work. Maybe she's just scared...? Maybe she's nervous? Maybe she doesn't wanna get hurt? All these go thru my head... But I don't understand. "It was all good just a week ago."

I don't think this is a problem... I only feel that this is TURBULENCE. A rough patch during takeoff... before a clear and smooth landing... I cannot wait for that day she becomes mine... For those words, "You may kiss the bride." The day the justice of the peace, or whomever says "Mr and Mrs. Browman"... For the day she looks into my eyes and I know [like the first day we locked eyes] that we are intertwined... FOREVER.

What We Talking About Freestyle

[N]-T

Yo...

It feels so good to back!

I had to brush the cobwebs off for a sec, get my mind right...

You know, I gotta show I still got it...

Hold up... let me take a breath...

[N]

Are we talkin bout real shit? or we talking bout the fake?

Or we talking bout the countless shit spoken on my name?

Are we talking bout the drama that seeps out all the time

or we talking bout Alice shit or we talking bout mine...

What we talking bout? Cause clearly I aint got time

To hear what people be talking bout all the time...

So they say I used her shit, I say I added a rhyme...

Took a page out of HOV book, he's a hero of mine

So we talking bout fiction? or we talkin bout facts?

Oh I don't love you? Pardon my back...

Pardon my sarcasm, pardon how I act cuz all I hear is...

"Damn Naj, why you goin like that?"

You wanna talk about hurt? We can talk about pain...

You wanna hear funny shit, go and find a Wayans...

I beginning to see this is got damn shame...

Same rules, same stage... So I'll play the game...

Give me a second to chill and breathe...

Show me an exit, I'll turn and leave

Let's not talk about gossip, lets talk about how real it be

Go ahead and add Portia and go ahead and add Ebony

I need a middleman, so let's go and get Tee

Cause we get confused about real shit, other niggas playin...

What are you talkin bout? I dont know what yall sayin...

Everybody wanna talk, but I aint gonna snap...

I'm kinda better than before so go and do that?

So now we got no words? now we challenging the fact...

100% N.A.J.E.E go ahead and google that...

So now I'm bout to bury this... put it in its casket

Put it all to bed, somebody find me a mattress...

I aint talking bout MUSIC, I aint talking bout LOVE

Cause now both of them have left me in disgust

Our conversation has changed, let's talk about that...

They say I'd rather be ELSEWHERE, but now I really dont care

I used to dream that I end up here...

What up to 29, I'll see you soon San Diego...

You'll be meeting just ME, you see how that go...

Just pass me a drink and let the newport burn slow...

Save me a dance with the devil, and tell her grind slow...

[Hook] 

They Talk, We Live, We see what They say, They say, They say 

They Talk, We Did, Who cares what They say, They say, They say 

[end of transmission]

DREAM

When I wake up in the morning time, I...

Like to see you sleepin by my side, I...
Think about the nights we had before
Wanna give you this and more
Let you know I truly adore you
Bein with you, lovin you this way is so sweet

First time you kissed me you made my knees go weak
We can be forever, happy, through rain or whatever...
Never gonna take the fantasy away from you...

I need to be... Everything you see in your dreams...
It seems to me you'll never find another lover good as I to give you all that you need...

And I'll be there to love you each and every night and all through the day...

There was a time I didn't have you around...
For 5 years my heart never made a sound
Now it's beatin loud, my head's in the clouds
Never doubt that I'mma always be
Down to hang around you
You makin me feel so good inside
The way I feel when you're lovin me makes me wanna cry
Off the strength of the things you do
Make my love dream come true
Movin me to tell you that I love you

I need to be everything you see in your dreams...
It seems to me you'll never find another lover good as I to give you all that you need...
And I'll be there to love you each and every night and all
Through the day...

Ok, I'ma break it down for you:

I'm traveling on a rollercoaster, going a 1000 miles an hour

and I can't even stop these emotions, I don't even have the power

See we built this up from nothing, look at what we're becoming

I could never lie about how I feel, but you think I'm fronting

But you captivate me, thru every word and every sound

Am I flying or floating? Cause my feet hasn't hit the ground

You should know that I'm not any guy, these feelings true though you swear they lies

So I'll just your ignore the hesitation and pretend to empathize...

Better yet, I'll improvise...

What that sound like? You say I love the freedom and that I rather be elsewhere

Hopefully that place is somewhere in a bed playing in your hair...

And even though we have a difference of opinion

You're the only one I'm seeing when I sleeping.

Me and you make the perfect cast, perfect team...

You askin me to mean what I say and say what I mean...

This may sound like a demand, but that's not what it be

Even though you doubt me, even from 500 lightyears away, I need to be everything you see in ya dreams...

The [SOMERSAULT]...

[CONGRATULATIONS]...

You Make It [IMPOSSIBLE] To [KEEP] A [SECRET] From You...

Blog [TRIFECTA]: When It Rains... It Pours...

Understand me, I'm writing this blog as I'm getting texts from my girlfriend detailing how I just hurt her beyond words. I'm frustrated because that if I knew how much drama I was gonna get over the "YEAH YOU" blog, I wouldn't have wrote it... I'd keep it to myself. But then again, that's not me either. I'm starting to feel misunderstood. Because I did this to "LET GO"... LET GO of the past... But yet it makes me look like I'm still in [LOVE]. And I'm not in LOVE with Ebony whatsoever. I am completely over this girl... on to the next one. PORTIA, who I adore! But now she's mad... I don't understand what I did wrong. All I did was wish her well and said how she did me and everything. But I get crucified? Why me? When I didn't do anything... Part 2 should tell you how I feel about it. But yet, I'm the bad guy... I'm always that guy.

I can't win for losing... Everything goes away that means the most to me. Honestly it hurts... Cause I just want this to be over... But NOPE. Najee has to write a blog and now everybody's mad at him... Najee can't let go, cause I keep being brought back. I can tell you how I would love to MOVE ON with PORTIA... How I would like to go on, but IDK... I want to... I want this to be over. I would love nothing more than just to see Portia and talk this out, or just talk it out period. But, I have NO SERVICE in my room... Great. So now I gotta sleep with this on my head and hope I pass my test tomorrow. I haven't even STUDIED again besides the study group and that was a joke. So what I do now? When everything is not going your way... How do you keep what means most? How do I do that?

Most of all...

How can I keep you from walking away?