[PAGING] Najee Browman... [PAGING] Najee Browman...

I want you to know that I got your email. It's not that the only way you can get thru to me is thru texting me, its just that sometimes I get so tied up in my day. But you probably think I don't care. You think that I want to hear that you're in bed crying? No. I don't. It's so crazy that everybody in some way or another has said I've changed. I don't get it... but maybe what everybody says is true. Maybe I have changed. And not a lot of people like the person I've become. Not everybody likes this NEW Najee. I never for once realized how the change in me has hurt you. The Najee you used to know is still there... He's still the same guy who adores you, loves you... You still are the voice I only want to hear... But there's something new inside... A Najee 2.0 if you will. This Najee has so much on his plate that the previous version never had before. It seems like there's so much to do and so little time that at times even he loses himself. This is no excuse, for there are times such as weekends I become preoccupied with life here in California. There are also times where I can't talk, or lose track of time... and in turn it hurts you: The most important girl in my life. To a point to now you feel as if you're put on the back burner, as if I've abandoned you. I dont know what's goin on, there's so much that I've missed... I can barely keep up with my life as well as yours...

The military isn't ALL I care about, but it is a PRIORITY. And sometimes it grabs hold and makes me forget about all thats around me... I never expected to like it the way I do: The good and bad things about it. And its hard for me as well, because you're not here to share it with me. I feel as if, even if I explained it to you... no matter how hard you would try to follow... I'd lose you. I feel sometimes I have nothing to talk about... I don't wanna just sit on the phone and hear you breathe... I want more. I've become accustomed to wanting more... I want you here... I want you beside me... Sometimes the phone isn't enough... So I suggested a webcam. You haven't even gotten that... I try to meet halfway only to come up short. Everything good seems to go away... And now that in a week that I go to the field for a week, what will we do then? FOUR or FIVE days without hearing from me. I don't feel as if we have space between us, its like a black hole. But I ask, how can I fix things? You say return the man who makes you laugh and cry... He's still here. You want your friend... I'm still that guy. But the Najee before let too many people run over him, he was once weak... He was once unsure of himself. He let too much of his feelings get the best of him. He relied on [FEAR]... But the Najee now has so many opportunities ahead of him, so many possibilities... Wouldn't you be proud of me? From where I came from to now? I was once HOMELESS and now I look at mountains... I see Palm trees and sunlight. Going thru these things changed alot of things in me. I'm afraid to get back to that point, so I work myself hard. My past haunts me. I'm still scared... but I'm working on that. The Najee you know hasn't gone away, but he's trying to improve himself... he's trying to be a better man for Portia, for Naeshawn... For NAJEE...

I apologize for putting you thru these things. It wasn't my intention. I dont slip I LOVE YOU's in to keep you here. Its cause I mean it... I still gotta get used to this relationship/military thing... Please bear with me... Don't count me out yet.

i love you.

I'm still hypnotized...

So don't force yourself to believe he's coming back... cause he will...

[PAGING] Najee Browman...

[PAGING] Najee Browman...

[PAGING] Najee Browman...

[PAGING] Najee Browman, your party is waiting for you...

I'm here... where are you?

[PAGING] Portia James...